Dierkes: On war, peace, and giant robots
Doug Dierkes COLUMNIST
Issue date: 10/9/08 Section: Opinion
I've always considered myself a little schizophrenic when it comes to my beliefs on international conflict.
On one hand, I recognize that if all citizens of the world had an equal education, then the likelihood of our disagreements turning into bombing runs would drop significantly.
On the other hand, I accept that a lot of people out there are stubborn gits, and will only acquire new perspectives on life once their current philosophy is beaten out of them. It pains me to hear about the latest casualties of war, yet I feel the impulse for battle is as natural as our appetites for food, water and Will Smith movies. There has to be a solution to ending our disputes in a civilized manner while also burning off all our aggressive impulses.
I believe we already have the proper solution. Realistic combat simulation programs, better known by the layman's term "video games."
We already have groups of people who play games like "Counterstrike" and "Halo" professionally. We also have a high population involved in paintball and airsoft competitions, the point of both being to use squad-level tactics to gun down an opposing team. And we can probably lump in a good portion of Civil War re-enactors as well, if we can only find a way to interest them in modern conflicts. Altogether, the population participating in these "sports" is at least 10 times greater than enrollment in our armed services. Let's put these kids to use!
We already have a United Nations to help mediate disputes in the international community. We can probably donate a couble billion dollars in 2-year-old computers, and that should be enough to set up a stable LAN party. Then, once a year, all unresolved arguments are settled through a standardized series of war games. It'll be like the Olympics, with the chance of being awarded an entire country for first prize.
This could lead to all sorts of interesting international scenarios. The South Koreans, bolstered by the strength of their "Starcraft" and RPG players, finally wrest control from the hands of Kim-Jong Il. Russia's grizzled KGB veterans can't keep up with the nigh-supernatural reflexes of China's "armed" forces (however, a government probe will reveal that all of China's participants are under the age of 12 and the victory will be null). Iran, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan agree to acknowledge Israel as a sovereign state after a round robin "Call of Duty" tournament. And most importantly, all those thirtysomething slackers playing "Gears of War" in their parent's basements will finally have meaningful employment. Those "Guitar Hero" addicts ... well, there might be some openings at McDonald's.
It's only a dream, but it's one that can someday come true. Now leave me alone, I've got to get some practice in "Splinter Cell" if I'm expected to defend my country.
On one hand, I recognize that if all citizens of the world had an equal education, then the likelihood of our disagreements turning into bombing runs would drop significantly.
On the other hand, I accept that a lot of people out there are stubborn gits, and will only acquire new perspectives on life once their current philosophy is beaten out of them. It pains me to hear about the latest casualties of war, yet I feel the impulse for battle is as natural as our appetites for food, water and Will Smith movies. There has to be a solution to ending our disputes in a civilized manner while also burning off all our aggressive impulses.
I believe we already have the proper solution. Realistic combat simulation programs, better known by the layman's term "video games."
We already have groups of people who play games like "Counterstrike" and "Halo" professionally. We also have a high population involved in paintball and airsoft competitions, the point of both being to use squad-level tactics to gun down an opposing team. And we can probably lump in a good portion of Civil War re-enactors as well, if we can only find a way to interest them in modern conflicts. Altogether, the population participating in these "sports" is at least 10 times greater than enrollment in our armed services. Let's put these kids to use!
We already have a United Nations to help mediate disputes in the international community. We can probably donate a couble billion dollars in 2-year-old computers, and that should be enough to set up a stable LAN party. Then, once a year, all unresolved arguments are settled through a standardized series of war games. It'll be like the Olympics, with the chance of being awarded an entire country for first prize.
This could lead to all sorts of interesting international scenarios. The South Koreans, bolstered by the strength of their "Starcraft" and RPG players, finally wrest control from the hands of Kim-Jong Il. Russia's grizzled KGB veterans can't keep up with the nigh-supernatural reflexes of China's "armed" forces (however, a government probe will reveal that all of China's participants are under the age of 12 and the victory will be null). Iran, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan agree to acknowledge Israel as a sovereign state after a round robin "Call of Duty" tournament. And most importantly, all those thirtysomething slackers playing "Gears of War" in their parent's basements will finally have meaningful employment. Those "Guitar Hero" addicts ... well, there might be some openings at McDonald's.
It's only a dream, but it's one that can someday come true. Now leave me alone, I've got to get some practice in "Splinter Cell" if I'm expected to defend my country.
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